While working at the wine store a wild thing happened that was a bit of an oddity. While listening to jazz being piped in (which is my jam), I was about to relax and take five when an old fart came in, not to sound cryptic but I had a sixth sense that he was a freak show. This fat bastard asked me if I could recommend a wine for him. I responded “Well, in my evolution and ritual of learning about wine, recommending wines are my bread and butter; I’m kind of a stand out. It’s kind of an obsession. I know our inventory from A to Z. Are you looking to pair it up with a specific dish, or is this a gift, or just for enjoying on its own”? He replied “Well, my neighbor has three daughters, I lust after one,  a skinny girl named Kay, I think she’s the middle sister, I want the wine to make her feel promis-q-ous, I want to take off her little black dress and ravage her, perhaps a find her g-spot or have a ménage a trois”. In this new age, I’m open minded but this predator might be stark raving mad, clearly he had a vision of some sort of liberated carnival of love.


“Describe what kind of wine you’d like”? I asked.

“A Crusher”, he responded.

“We’ve got that right over here”.

“No, I need a big red monster, a force of nature”.

“Those are over here in the red blends”.

“No, I need it to be a special selection, a velvet devil,”

“Well, one of those is from Washington and the other is from California”.

He stood there with a spellbound look on his face. This bitch was becoming a thorn in my side,


An associate was standing incognito near us, an innocent bystander; I was hoping he would volunteer to chime in. There was no justification while he stood there like a decoy.


The troublemaker continued, “I want a heavyweight”

“Sir, Your requests are a little abstract, and this a bit of a conundrum. I feel I can make an educated guess and give you a resolution”.


Not to go off on a tangent, but I didn’t want to cause a riff with him. I lead him to the 2013 Mollydooker Blue Eyed Boy Shiraz from South Australia and sent him on his way.


In hindsight, I should have gone with Apothic.


If you see Kay, tell her to get a machete,


How many wines can you find?

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